Posted 2 years ago

Ugly Endings

Trayvon.    If you don’t know the name, you must not be on the internet enough.  Though since you’re reading this blog, I’m pretty sure you’re on the internet way too much.  I don’t know what happened in Sanford, and neither do most of the opinion-shouters out there. What happened that night isn’t up to me, I just hope justice is done=whatever that means.  As a father though, I’m a little messed up. This is one of the most serious cases of irrational fear I’ve ever had.   

You know what I’m talking about. You don’t even have to be a father.  You could develop this fear over anything you love.  You become so attached and so dependent on this love, you start thinking of all the terrible ways you might lose it.  

So many seemingly insignificant moments weave together to create our futures. I could spend hours fretting over how many times I smile at Max every day.  Did I feed him too much?  Am I gone too often?  Am I too much of a pushover?  Discipline is important.  How strict is too strict?  Every punishment could be the one that—> causes the break that—> sets the stage for a rebellion that—> leads him into a mess.

What if my son is a teenager and goes for a walk? What if someone thinks he looks suspicious and follows him?  What if something happens and he’s shot and killed?  And what if he smoked some pot and got caught once?  What if he was dumb as a 15 year old and robbed a store with some buddies?  A couple of missteps and he’s over for life, right?  Oh wait, he’s a white, American male.  He’s got nothing to worry about.  

Now that I’ve remembered that important fact and can think clearly again, I’ve realized something.  All that fear for losing something I love just turns the object of my love (my son) into just that: an object.  Objects can’t be suffocated, because they don’t live and breathe.  

To be preoccupied with the many ugly ends our loved ones could come to, is to declare them already dead.

Posted 2 years ago

Downward facing dog? Nope, this is what crawling looks like for us.

Posted 2 years ago

Poop There it Is

Posted 2 years ago

A Working/Breastfeeding Mother or Losing the War on Sleep

The Wife works 40 hours a week with a two and a half hour round trip commute.  That equals 50 plus hours a week away from her baby.  The stressful job and stressful drive  means an early bed time which in turn means less time with the kid.  

I say all this to set the stage for the war on sleep.  Because she’s away from her baby so much, I try not to complain about her waking up to feed him every time he whimpers at night.  She needs as much intimate time with him as she can get, even if they’re both half asleep.  But, inevitably he ends up in bed with us.  It is nice, but I can see our future a little too clearly.  The older he gets, the harder it’s going to be to get him to sleep on his own.  

We’ll resolve to be strong and let him cry for at least a few minutes before going to get him.  Most of the time he’ll cry himself to sleep and then sleep the rest of the night.  Then suddenly he’s sick, and our resolve is gone.  Back in bed with us through the night.  New resolution, new reason we can’t keep strong. You get the picture.  

Now we’re to nine months old.  And now he’s figured out how to use the side of the crib to stand up.  We’ll rock him to sleep, lay him in the crib and in his sleep he touches the side, starts to pull himself up and wakes up!  He’s so obsessed with standing up he can’t sleep! This hardly seems safe, so…back into bed with us. I guess we’ll get stronger tomorrow.  

Posted 2 years ago

Tip for Cleaning up Puke:

If you have a kid, you should definitely have a dog.  That way when the kid pukes on the carpet, the dog will clean it up for you!

Posted 2 years ago

An Important Message

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Your Friend,

       Maximilian

Posted 2 years ago

Max is 9 months old. He’s got 8 teeth, and maybe some more on the way. Can’t quite crawl, but he sure can pull himself up to standing with the side of his crib or pack and play helping him balance.

His mom is a Doctor, and I’m a struggling musician trying to build a career. That means when I’m not on the road, I’m mostly a stay at home dad. We’re still trying to figure out what that means. Can I still pursue a career? Childcare is expensive. How can we plan ahead so I can build an income so mom can cut down on the long hours she works now?

We’ll work it out in due time, but in the meantime I’m a Mr. Mom.